Dashama Konah From Foster Care to Flow State: Dashama’s Journey Through Trauma to Healing
WHAT IS IT LIKE TO GROW UP IN FOSTER CARE?
DASHAMA KONAH
When I was a little girl, I was raised in foster homes, actually. My parents were both addicted to drugs and my mother was schizophrenic, so very early on, I learned what is suffering - and I learned the very opposite of happiness.
KELLY
Dashama Konah’s path to happiness has been anything but normal. Today on Qavah, she invites us to join her on that path, to look behind and to look ahead.
(Music: Theme music)
KELLY
Dashama’s unusual story starts with her first memory.
WHAT QUALIFIES AS AN EATING DISORDER
DK so I have a memory actually a very very interesting memory like strong ability to remember, times when people, otherwise I think most people don't remember those times so like I heard the the vision that I had of being my mother's womb, which is a very interesting memory and then I've had like I said memories of past lives so that was even before this life but I think just in terms of this life. I remember that the vision that I had about being in the womb, it was like it had to do with healing, because I used to have a lot of eating it like an eating disorder, I guess you could say, and I think a lot of people have eating disorders I think most people don't even they don't even label it anymore because everybody basically has eating disorders. But basically I have a very strange relationship to food like I would like I would have all these food allergies and then I will get all these digestive problems and, you know, so I was, I was trying to figure out what is the root of that so I did a past life, or it was an inner child vision quest regression and I was able to have a memory of being in my mother's womb, and the relationship to her own eating disorder I guess they are like her relationship to food, because she was always. So, like, controlling around it like it needed to be this perfect thing and and she, like she didn't want it, she was really really against gaining weight so she was very like particular about how much you know she would eat and stuff so, so just like having a memory of the healing her relationship to that help understand where the root of my own dysfunction had come from. And it was really great because then I was able to actually let it go, which is the purpose I so oh I can see why you know and it wasn't like this is something I'm stuck with but it was more like, okay, now I'm going to consciously choose another way.
KELLY
Dashama’s choices have never been determined by others. She has bravely chosen to create a path for herself, regardless of the obstacles.
KA Do you have any favorite childhood memories of growing up and traveling, you had a lot of traveling.
DK
Yeah, well you know, actually I do, I have three sisters, but one little one, and I'm the second from youngest. And so, I remember those days and, but one of my favorite memories of a child as a child was when we used to live in this rural area of Northern Florida, and it was by this beautiful. Three Rivers estate so there were three rivers, they come together in one place. And it's a very special place very sacred land, and I know we still go to the river like every day. And I learned so much from the river, honestly, and I told this story to someone the other day and I'll tell it to you. One of my favorite memories. Very interesting memory. So in the river, there were actually alligators and some children had been eaten by these alligators. But we were like these fearless little children, you know, so I was kind of like anytime I would have a fear. My first inclination was to move into the fear instead of like run from it. And so remember we were, we would float down the river on these inner tubes, but sometimes we didn't have enough money for the inner tube so we would actually just float down without anything just floating in the river by ourselves like little kids in the river. But I remember it was freezing like the water is fresh water so it's like really really cold and fresh. But I just remember floating down the river like talking myself through this fear, saying you know you're gonna be okay you're fine just breathing through it and you know when you're looking around and sometimes a log can look like an alligator so it was like really terrifying. But at the same time very liberal, because I was proving to my own self I feel like that I that I am going to be fine. No matter what, you know, so like every you know the fear is just in the mind, and so like early on I was teaching myself that and the river taught me that and the alligator taught me that. And um anyway so it sounds like a funny like thing to think that that's my favorite memory but it's just like that memory comes back to me so much because it was like the beginning of a lifelong relationship that I have with newly facing fears and moving towards them instead of running from them, and then letting those be vehicles of transformation and elevation and you know conscious, you know awakening.
KA Wow.
KELLY
But as Dashama shared in her speech at the United Nations, alligators were the least of her troubles.
MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES
KA So that was pretty significant your mom, having. Did she had mental health issues. Is that what you're saying
DK So it was interesting because she. She was like back in the 70s you know everybody was doing a lot of different types of drugs and experimenting with things and so back then I think they really felt that cocaine was a great thing, you know, 70s and 80s, especially in the 1980s cocaine was a big thing. So my mom was really addicted to cocaine for a while and then she was mixing it with cocaine and pod which is a medicine plant from the Native American shaman. And then, alcohol, so it was like alcohol cocaine and pod really bad comments. And I actually remember I was there that day, I was with her because me and my mother were very close, and I was like her right hand, you know, a little sidekick. And so I was there with her that day when she, she like lost her mind, and she never got it back, it was just like, really it was black and white, it was like night and day because before that she was really like amazing like she was an artist and she used to spend all day like hand making pasta, to make lasagna it would take her like eight hours to make the noodles the sauces she grew everything in her own garden. I mean, she was like really incredible beautiful person, like she would hand make all of our clothing she had four children, and she was Sewing with a needle and thread she didn't have a sewing machine. She just loved to provide for us she was the best mother in that way like you could think of like, like the best mother that would be her you know she was just loving, like we would just all pile in the bed together with her and cuddle and, you know, she was a really wonderful person and then it was just bizarre all of a sudden one day, just black and white and then night and day and then she just never got her mind back and then it was crazy I remember what happened she actually thought my father was an imposter, and she kicked him out. Government had abducted her husband, and it became this whole story about she she developed these other personalities she even gave herself a new name. She gave us children different names as well I ended up with like two or three different names.
KELLY
One of the most beautiful things about my conversation with Dashama was her ability to tell two stories at once. My heart broke for her as she shared the pain of her childhood, but then she would also tell the story of how she worked through that pain as an adult.
For each experience, Dashama has two perspectives. She remembers her young self with compassion, but she also sees the good that has come from her pain.
DEDICATED TO HEALING
She knew how deeply it would hurt me and like it literally took me, my whole life dedicated to being a healer healing myself and dedicating my life to helping people with their own mental health and healing and then it, you know it resulted in a really great impact for the world and I've reached, you know 100 millions of people. I've been able to really help so many people from this experience and I don't think I would have been driven if it wouldn't have been so deeply painful.
KA Right.
Yeah. So whenever that happened you went into foster care. Is that, is that correct.
DK Yeah, well it was it was it was a good process like she lost her mind and then she kicked my dad out and then she actually. It's a crazy story she actually had a big crush on this cocaine dealer in Colombia, she had discovered him. He was on the evening news because his cocaine cartel was getting busted by the FBI, it was on like that she found out about him and she fell in love with this guy. Carlos later who is like famous at the time on on the TV for being a cocaine lord, and she's like we're going to Columbia and so she just, she bagged a little girl for little girls into a car, and we took a road trip for six months trying to get down to Colombia, because she was like so sure that this is gonna be the mecca of all Mecca, but we never made it to Colombia, we ended up on a whole adventure. It was a whole nother story but basically they stopped us in Guatemala because our passports were expired. And they, they retained us and they wouldn't let us continue and then I guess there had been some kind of alert out in the Central American police and stuff that we were missing and that my father and my grandparents actually were looking for us, and they were smart enough, like a message out to like the Central American police, somehow, so they they found us, they shipped us back to the US, we got deported. And then that's when they put us into foster homes, they took us away from our parents at that point.
KA Oh wow, and so did you grow up in foster care for the until you aged out of the system,
MOVING AROUND A LOT
DK kind of, you know, it's an interesting story how it happened it was I don't know why and I maybe it's like this for a lot of children that go into the foster care, but we moved around a lot like there were very few homes that we stayed more than a few months, I was always in a role I was always I never got to keep a consistent friend circle because I was always moving, you know. So essentially, as in one way, it was cool like I got to meet a lot of people but none of them really stayed in touch because I was always like going to a new school and always being the new girl is kind of hard you know because you never really have that like deep, you know that much of a deep bond with, with the kids and stuff and then also the homes that we were in some of them were better than others but mostly like you could tell that they were predominantly, you know doing this as a way to make extra money so some of them really didn't care too, you know they just have like a bunch of kids in their house and they would be making the extra money. There was a few that seemed like they cared but for the most part it was very strange. And traumatizing and I remember it was very painful for me I was crying a lot during that time. But I was also, you know, like so we were in and out of different homes different schools
KELLY
Despite being separated from her parents, Dashama held onto the hope that they still loved her. It turned out that she was right, even though her parents’ love looked a little bit different.
WE WENT TO LIVE WITH MY MOM AGAIN
DK It was interesting because my parents had this Just indomitable will to get us back somehow so even though they were declared unfit by the courts, they actually kept petitioning to get us back so one time my mom did get us back, and we went to live with my mom again and then she you know she was still an alcoholic and she still had schizophrenia, so it was an interesting decision that the court said yeah okay we'll give it a shot. So, we were in school and then I remember one of the, one, one girl punched my sister in the nose at the bathroom and broke her nose, and my mother got really pissed she came up to the school and she was swearing she was drunk and she was swearing at the at the principal's saying How could you let this happen to my daughter, and she was like, kind of being like, violent in a way you know so they arrested her. And so because she got arrested, you know, we ended up back and of course because they don't like let you be with someone who's being arrested so that was like her one shot of Cuba goes you know and you messed it up with but she was protecting her daughter so I can see where she but you can't show up drunk and violent and things are going to be, you know, a good option so then we got to come back and we were in foster care again for like another year or so and then my dad tried to get us back, and that was, that was a little better attempt but he's still he was addicted to crack at the time it was interesting like he after cocaine they will transition to crack because it's cheaper. So they have run out of the box, my parents inherited like what would be the equivalent of millions of dollars from their deceased grandparents, and they just spent it all they just wasted it all on drugs, it was just such an incredible story to see how, what not to do, you know, that was like I did learn some beautiful things from my parents like my dad for example he went through all of his trials and tribulations and, wrong, wrong decisions and addictions and all that but for the most part, you know, it was like we were living with my dad who was doing crack, and it was just not working very well and we basically we gave him an ultimatum. When I was 12 years old, we, we like, we told him we said we're gonna go visit our aunt in South Dakota. And when we get back we want you to have a job, and we want food in the in the in the in the refrigerator, and that's our end to stay with you. We were like writing, though like genre at this point we're like we're having some boundaries, no we're not just gonna like put up with this anymore. So we told him that we went and we went to go visit my mother's sister in South Dakota for like a couple months, and for this summer. It was crazy like when we can. And it was interesting because when we were there we got to experience what would be considered I guess you could say like a normal life, like we had always food.
KIND OF LIKE THIS NORMAL LIFE
Everyone in the household was productive very loving and kind and it was like kind of this like normal life. like a suburban, you know, and my aunt is a social worker and my, my uncle was a good a plumber you know so they were just like normal people. Right. And so we normal See, and then, and then we were like okay so we're going back to see if dad was able to accomplish the two tasks. You know, so we went back. And not only did he not accomplish our only two tasks that we required but he had sold my sister's bike and her stereo that she worked all summer to purchase to buy crack and, and then we had this like tiny little savings account that we had open from like money that we got from birthdays over the years it was like $500, and he had drained our account as well so we were like, okay, we're out of here and we just, I always look at it like we divorced my father in that sense that we were like we're not staying here we're leaving and we just, We didn't even know where we were going to go but we just knew we couldn't be there and we just couldn't trust that that energy and so we just left
KELLY
This deep betrayal forced Dashama and her sisters to make another conscious choice - the choice to start their own life. What amazes me is that, somehow, Dashama was able to continue loving her father. Instead of being fueled by anger, Dashama reflects on the things she loved about her dad.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
DK you know one thing he taught me is just like unconditional love because even when my mother had lost her mind became violent kicked him out. He always loved her and it was interesting, even to this day, I don't think he ever found anyone ever again that he loved, like he loved her, so it was interesting like to just witness that true level of love and unconditional love even though they didn't get to stay together she passed away they both had their separate journey but in the end like. That was his one true love so that was really beautiful, to learn from them
KELLY
And so a new chapter of Dashama’s life began.
A NEW CHAPTER IN LIFE
DK and we went to my sister's friend's house for a couple days and we were like we don't know we're gonna do but we're just gonna like hope that somebody's gonna open their home to us. And it really was interesting how it worked out so my aunt, that we had spent that summer with is my mother's adopted sister. She. She said she would take two of us, and then my uncle, my dad's father in New York took one of the children and that the other one was 16, and she was like living with her boyfriend at the time so she had a place so we split up. We went to live with these, like, so it was kind of still like foster homes you know because they weren't like obviously our parents, but it was interesting. It was interesting because the, the aunt that we ended up living me and one of my sisters lived in South Dakota with her, and she had always wanted an orphanage. That was like her lifelong dream like she has this like angelic heart like she taught me. She taught me what is compassion, you know, because it was just like, literally, her whole life dream was to have an orphanage. And what what ended up fulfilling that dream in a way because she, she had a child of her own biologically she adopted a child. Then she married a man that children are ready, and then she ended up with these foster children's a whole orphanage basically at the house, and that's what happened we ended up I ended up going to high school up there.
INSPIRATION FROM GREAT WOMEN
KELLY
This aunt took Dashama under her wings and taught her how to fly.
DK when I was a when I was like 12 or 13, my aunt gave me this book that was, it was called How to be like women of influence and it was the 20 Greatest Women of the 20th century, and in that book it was like Oprah and Mother Teresa and Amelia Earhart and Eleanor Roosevelt and Princess Diana, all of the Greatest Women of the 21st century, or the 20th century. And I just remember, because I was like, I'm going to be like them, I just knew I'm like this is what I'm doing with my life I'm going to be like that, I'm going to be a woman who people look up to one day, and that book shaped my life in so many ways, as well as some other books but that one, for sure. And so even as a kid I kind of, I knew I didn't know what I was going to exactly be doing but I knew I was going to be speaking I knew I was going to be inspiring people and I knew that that story of what I was going through is going to play a role in it so at the time I was able to kind of still look at it objectively and be like, Alright, this is what's happening right now, but this is the this is not the end of this story.
HELP BRING HEALING
KELLY
Dashama loves being a human, despite the terrible things we humans do to each other sometimes. She has every right to be bitter, but instead she chooses to love.
KA So what is your life like today, you you've come through a whole lot right
DK you know it's interesting because I think about how some of those early experiences did shape me in a way like one of the things that I feel definitely got ingrained from all of that was this feeling of universal love, and just a love for humanity at large, and and so I mean I have personal interpersonal love as well but like my greater driving force of all the work that I do and all. All that I do, it's really stems from this feeling that we have this human family so it's like one human family. We are all you know extensions of each other. We're all part of it, we're all interconnected, and that it is truly my driving motivation and inspiration in life to be of service to make the world a better place to help bring healing into the world. There was a long time I was working with children and families, and then I started to just branch out to all different obviously all different age groups and stuff but, you know, just like the recognition that that early experience. It wasn't happening to me right it was happening for me but it was really me about me at all but just like the teaching of that, that we're all one human family and led to my humanitarian work that led me to my life purpose and the and the work that I do. So my life now I mean, it's really like every day, you know, for the past 15 years especially is being of service you know I have so many things that I've created right like I have a school so I certify yoga teachers energy healers people that help with mental health and healing. I have online courses I've written books. I got to speak at the United Nations for International Day of happiness I, I was inducted into the Stanford happiness Hall of Fame. So, I feel like part of my life purpose is really to just know bring happiness to the world and show people that, you know like, it doesn't matter whatever you went through was really like. I mean, you know priming us or prep you or teaching the lessons needed for the soul to evolve and expand to fulfill the purpose of your life so like that's my big message is that, you know, everything is possible we are limitless beings, and that we can heal from anything, and whatever that we go through can actually be you know seem to a new lens as opportunities,
and as really like shaping us into the great beings that we're here to be, if we choose to see it that way. So, that's my big mac world.
KA Awesome. So is that what you want people to take away from your story.
WHAT DO HARD TIMES TEACH US?
DK Absolutely, like my favorite response when people hear about my story is when they're inspired to be able to get through their own hard times you know because, like, otherwise I know other people in my life who had a hard childhood they never talk about it. The only reason, the only purpose to talk about it is if it's going to be helpful, you know I'm not, I don't really like love talking about it's not like something I want to like revisit asked you know but it can be helpful if I can show people because sometimes somebody might see my life now I mean I have a really an extraordinary life I travel the world I've been traveling the world for like 1015 to 20 years, full time doing my work you know as a teacher as a speaker. And just living the most extraordinary life I mean I've been to the most beautiful places I've been invited to this wonderful world stages to share to share my message and, you know, to inspire people with that, and, and, like, you know, I have a very playful energy so I actually have a lot of fun and you know I have some incredible beautiful friends around the world.
KELLY
Dashama has inspired millions of people around the world with her perspective and her strength. Now she’s writing a book to preserve her story for many years to come.
FLOW STATE
DK so my new book is called the flow state, but it's really like this, this journey of coming from like what's the opposite of flow like trauma, being blocked like how being abandoned like having nothing like I was blocked to the point of legging stream. And then I discovered through this journey, what is flow and how to connect to the infinite source of life which allows us to live in flow and, and there are certain like universal laws and principles that I've learned along the way that have been really helpful for that. So I've been writing this book, and I'm gonna be doing it later this year.
FREE GIFT
KA Okay, so your book will come out later in 2021.
DK Yeah, I have a free chapter for anybody who's watching or listening. If you want to get in it's, It's the flow state.co, the flow state.co, and you can download a free chapter of that book it's universal law of intention. And in that chapter I also go over like how to script your ideal day your ideal life your you know you can do it for this year only or for the next 10 years, but really scripting and being intentional about your life and creating this, you know, dream life, because everybody has that power and potential so if we can be more intentional, we can create an
extraordinary life and that's what that chapter is all about. I also have another, another free gift if people want to try it. It's a seven day flow challenge it's free, and it's at a flow state.tv, and that one is also it's like seven videos that help people to like release blocks to the flow.
DASHAMA.COM
KA That's awesome. And where can people find you.
DK I'm pretty much everywhere you know I actually, I'm on social media, and pretty much every day YouTube. I've been on YouTube for a long time have lots of videos on there if people want to go to my YouTube, all of my social media is under my name dosha, so it's da es Ma, and YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, I have Twitter as well. Tick Tock I'm on platform. And also my dashama.com.
KA Okay, it's dashama.com is your website. Yeah. Okay. Awesome. Well thank you so much.
DK Oh, thank you.
KELLY
Dashama has continued to travel the world and share her message, even in the midst of our worldwide crisis. When I called her, she was in Bali, Indonesia! Many of you may be wondering how Dashama continues to stay happy during these frightening times. I was too!
COVID-19 in Bali
KA How has the pandemic affected you in Bali. Are you on lockdown.
DK You know I was in Hawaii before this. Before that, LA so during the lockdown I was in LA, Hawaii and now Bali. So, in some way, affected me because I was supposed to have a group of people come to Bali, we were going to be doing a training in January yoga teacher training retreat. And they were all ready to come and then the UK locked down really hard this January, and we basically you know so they were gonna do it in March, so little things like that have been an issue just in terms of to be able to move forward with things and, and a lot of my depend on travel and, but we've transitioned, a lot of work online. So now I have my full yoga teacher training is online people can become certified as teachers and healers, through the program and actually I have a free webinar if anybody wants to find out more about that prana shama.com, and it's also at low State DOT yoga. So both of those will take you to the free webinar but basically, you know, my mission is really to help people to not only heal themselves but also if you're feeling called to it, to become a part of the, the team here and like help heal the world so that's my mission here. I was thinking about like what what is the biggest thing that humanity can focus on Reddit right now, and especially right now with the lockdowns but in general just humanity as we evolve as a family together. And it was interesting because I always felt this and this is part of my teaching but Sadhguru confirmed and Sri Sri Ravi Shankar also said the same thing which is, you know as we focus on our own inner happiness our own inner joy self love with this feeling of, you know, within the happiness and the joy and the love all being within us, and that that being our true nature is that as we focus on that, then everything in the world actually will fall into place. all of the solutions are there happiness, joy fulfillment is there we don't need anything outside of ourselves to be complete. I feel like that's like such an important message I just wanted to share.
KA Well thank you so much. I hope you have a wonderful day. It's morning for you and evening for me so it's kind of crazy, somebody that that's in tomorrow.
(Music: Soft piano music (optional) )
KELLY
In a way, Dashama has always been in tomorrow. Her ability to look ahead, even when the present is painful, amazes me.
KA So when you were a little girl did you ever imagine that your life would be like it is today.
DK You know it's interesting it's such a good question because I have always been kind of psychic. And so when I was a little girl. I like I'm very like visual visionary, and when I was a little girl I could see myself as an adult, and I would see myself speaking on stages like inspiring people with my story, like I knew that as a kid was gonna be what I do, but like back then. It kid I had to go through all the stuff but I just knew that's what I was going to do.
KA That's awesome. Well thank you so much I think you're very inspirational it's awesome that you've gone through so much and you are so happy and beautiful.
