Christine Nance

Christine Nance

Finding Peace After Trauma, Prison, and Loss

Peace that passes understanding

CN music and especially old countries or plays in our house today, and it brings us brings me instant peace and happiness.

Music can take us back and bring an amygdala response that washes over us. Christine Nance had been given loving grandparents who played country music. Her memories with them are filled with peace. This foundation was just what Christine would need in life. 

CN So I remember a lot of nights just reading the Bible in my room, not really understanding anything that anything that I was reading, and just praying that my dad would get out of prison so that I could go live with him

Welcome to Qavah the Podcast

Christine, what is your first memory?

CN I think that my first childhood memories would go back when I was about probably three or four years old. I remember driving country dirt roads with my grandfather in the summertime. My grandparents had a farm and I spent most of my days at that age following him around. They used to have these big cookouts out of their land where they would smoke food all day and they would like grandpa's friends at night would come over with their guitars and they would just sing for hours. That is probably that in that I remember my great grandmother Madalyn. She also passed away when I was four. And I just remember crawling up in the hospital bed with her and holding her hand it was so cold and her skin was so thin or just she held on to mine and used to tell me stories but those were probably my earliest childhood memories that I can call and some of the most special ones I treasure today.

KA Oh wow, that sounds so wonderful. Both of those are wonderful. So where did

you grow up?

CN  I actually grew up and didn't go Arkansas, which is the northwest part at the states. It's also known for being the home of Walmart

KA That's awesome. So was your family from Bentonville? 

CN Like you're from P Ridge, a small little town but I went to those schools my daughter graduated from middle schools Okay.

KA P ridge. How cute is that?

 KA So do you have any favorite childhood memories other than what you shared? 

CN Yeah, I mean, it kind of goes back to those early childhood memories. One of my most favorite childhood memories were my grandma, my grandma Dolly where my grandparents didn't have friends over with their guitars. My grandmother would love to play records. And she would play pad pine and Loretta Lynn and we're just dancing around the kitchen. She loved his being and loved music. And she was one of the kindest people that I've ever known. She was just really the rock that held our family. Together and that music and especially old countries or plays in our house today, and it brings us brings me instant peace and happiness.

In her name was Dolly. 

KA Yes. What a precious name. And you know, we'd love Dolly Parton over here. 

CN Yeah, exactly. Yes. I know. You can still hear it. Yeah.

KA So who all was in your family like your parents?

CN Yes. So I was raised by my mother and her husband. And I have three younger sisters on the oldest. Okay. Yeah. Yep. And it's been a lot of time with my grandparents.

KA And now Are those your mother's parents? 

CN Yes. mother's parents 100. 

Those simple moments with her grandparents were vital for Christine’s wellbeing. We don’t often realize how powerful a peaceful space can be for someone. Christine had that security with her grandparents, and it helped her wrestle through the chaos in her home life. 

What’s it like to grow up with a dad in prison? 

KA How wonderful. So what are some, some of the significant experiences you face that you'd like to share?

CN Okay, so, I guess going back to my childhood I was my father's only child. So my mother married my father, but when I was about four months old, and he went to prison in Oklahoma for 14 years. So my mom remarried and her husband was an alcoholic with a really bad temper. So growing up I remember I lived we lived a mile down this dirt road and I was around 12 or 13 with my sisters about six and seven. We didn't have neighbors close by but about half a mile from us in one direction was a pastor of a small Baptist Church and town. Pastor Pat Mackenzie and or other closest neighbor was actually a deputy for the local sheriff's office. Just so happened so Patton his wife and family used to pick me up on Sunday mornings to go to church. And some nights I would have to run to the deputies house because my mother's husband's timber and physical abuse towards her. So I remember a lot of nights just reading the Bible in my room, not really understanding anything that anything that I was reading, and just praying that my dad would get out of prison so that I could go live with him and his side of the family and literally, just about four hours away from us. And then when I was 14 my dad was actually going to my prayers are answered. I went I spent the summer with him and his family which I spent the summer the summers with his mother anyway my grandmother, but I went and spent the summer with him specifically when that summer bit I came back to Bentonville to start high school after the summer was over.

KELLY

Christine had high hopes for her relationship with her father. She thought that this was going to be another peaceful space like she’d had with her grandparents. But the rug was ripped out from beneath her when she found out the truth.

 Charged with murder

And I remember in October, one October night, my mother picked me up from a Friday night football game and she told me that she we had to talk and she told me she proceeded to tell me that my father had been charged with the murder of an 18 year old girl in Little Rock. So I was crushed a little. I had a lot of emotions I was trying to process at that age. My mom was actually going through a divorce as well during that time. And just the struggles of like fitting in and the school. I didn't tell anyone close to me what was happening. And I really didn't focus on schoolwork. Right. So shortly after my dad's child, there was a verdict that the death penalty. And yeah, and the victim's mother actually took her own life on Christmas morning. And left behind her husband and her son. 

KA Oh, Christine. So how old are you at this point?

CN I'm almost 15 Yeah. 

The death penalty???? Christine couldn’t believe it. There were so many questions she couldn’t answer. How long would her dad live? How was she going to make it through high school? She was terrified and heartbroken.

 Dropped out of high school

CN Yeah. So in the midst of all that, I dropped out of high school and was pregnant at 15 Oh, yeah. So but it actually was a turning point in my life. The trial was over, you know, I knew what was coming. And but I had to get my life together. But I did find myself married at 16 and divorced at 18 and tons of mistakes along the way. But I kept pushing through. I used to despise and hate visiting my dad when I was younger in prison, like my nanny Nance took me to Oklahoma. Every summer. It was the worst. Visiting maximum security prisons and 80s and 90s. As a child. You got patted down and visitations were outside on the yard. They called it just other inmates and their families and just heard some very inappropriate things and just I just dreaded it, but looking back on it now. I think my grandmother for taking me because when my dad was sentenced to death row, I knew our time was limited. I mean, I knew it always was limited. But not in this like situation knowing the day and hour so now I just knew I never could have the relationship that I used to pray for and wanted and our contact was limited or visits were timed. And I knew that the rest of our memories would be made in a small room with cement walls and accounted execution.

KELLY

An unexpected pregnancy, dropping out of high school, a marriage, a divorce, being a single mom and visiting her dad on death row, but Christine kept pushing through. Little by little she found a way forward.

Single parent scholarship fund 

CN So one of my best friends in school was actually the Sheriff of our county here. And he got me a job when I was about 20. And he knew of my situation and he was the closest thing really to a father figure that I had at the time. And so I worked for the local sheriff's office actually spent 10 years there. And I knew I didn't want a career in law enforcement, but it was able, I was able to go back to school and ended up earning my bachelor's degree in business from Brown University. Oh, wow. Yeah, with the help of we have a program here called single parent scholarship fund. And they offer like counseling service to recipients that things like gas cards throughout the semester. They even you can even use scholarship money for like car repairs, things that like along the way of like a single mom, you know, all these obstacles come up and you may not be able to finish college, so they made it a lot more. I was able to do it with with their help for sure.

KA So um, so okay, the program that helped you through college. Now was that a state program or one through the university?

CN And it's actually no it's actually nationwide now. It is it single cat Scholarship have been counting out when it went to the whole state of Arkansas, but it's actually nationwide now.

KA Wow. That's awesome. That's a wonderful thing. So you graduated from college with what was your degree? 

CN What did you think? A bachelor's in business?

KA Oh, awesome. So then did you finish working at the sheriff's office?

CN Were you done? I did. I did 10 years there and then I was able to once I was about to graduate from college, I did a short internship with a local supplier

KA Wow. So how old were you when you had your baby? Were you 16

CN I was 15 and turning 16 like about a week later? Okay, okay, born Yeah. On the 23rd of August and I was 31st I've turned 16 

KA Oh, my goodness. And so what was that like having a baby so young?

CN Yeah. It's terrifying. So, yeah, I just we grew up a lot together. You know, we did homework at the table a lot together. I kind of felt rushed, you know a lot because I wasn't as financially stable as I am now. And just we weren't we were able to like my daughter and I we were able to go to like we did it went to Africa. On a mission trip. And we did we had a lot of amazing memories,

Raising an unexpected child was a challenge, but also a joy. Christine got to create peaceful memories for her daughter, doing homework together at the dinner table, just like she had those peaceful memories of dancing in her grandparents’ house. And Christine’s daughter was able to see her own grandfather before he was executed.

CN but a lot of my vacation times up until my dad's execution was spent traveling to south Arkansas. So my daughter and I we went to visit him in prison. 

KA Oh, wow. So you took your baby?

CN Yes. And I always said that I would not take her if she didn't want to go. She was you know, growing up she all the way up until she was probably maybe about 10 at the time, or maybe a little bit younger. But it actually was great going because it was a little bit awkward for me because he wasn't there all of my life and I was just a little awkward but with her she was so like energetic. It was in tap dancing. Ballet in was just kind of like this show. And she loved going and death row was a lot of maximum security prisons in the 80s and 90s. And we actually didn't see any other inmates. They escorted us into a big room. My dad was not shackled or they took them off before he came into the room. And we actually could bring in some snacks from the vending machines, not like anything from outside, but it was a lot different than setting than what I grew up in.

KA Wow. Yeah. What a gift that she sent to your dad.

CN Yes, for sure for sure and that she cherishes them. as well. Yeah, that's so sweet.

The day came for Christine’s father to be executed and Christine saw in the end what really mattered. 

KA Now did he ever share anything like I'm so sorry that this is your life?

CN Oh, yeah, I actually. So I mean, I think I feel I have a peace about it, actually. So when he at the very end when we spent time with him, he actually asked me if I had any questions for him and I actually blurted out no which I was really shocked, because for so many years, I was like, How can my dad love me and take another person's life and, you know, I was angry and I had I had tons of questions, but in the end, none of it really mattered. Because I saw my dad, you know, grow while he was on death row. I just add a peace about him. He knew he was in the word every day. He actually agreed to speak to the family, the victim's family before he was put to death. They chose not to, and he didn't have any last words. And that's fine. I mean, if it was if it was me, I would probably want to face him just for closure and peace on my end, but they were the family was there for the execution to watch and be executed. 

 What is it like to open your home to foster children? 

KELLY Christine carried the power of forgiveness into her own family moving forward.

KA now you've had some other changes in your family in the past a little bit. Do you want to share about that?

CN Yes. So today what life looks a lot different but my daughter recently graduated from college herself and she was living nearby which is amazing watching her decide what she wants to do. And when she was actually like about a junior in high school, I and I was like I'm way too young to be going through empty nest syndrome. It's all I've known since I was a kid. So I had that 10 years in law enforcement and I was actually still working at the sheriff's office but I always saw these inmates come through. They would come a lot of times for drugs but they would just continually come back and over and over and over. Their kids were taken into the system and so my daughter and I we decided to open our home to fostering so we originally went into it thinking of fostering an older child, maybe a young girl that my daughter could possibly mentor and to you know help to do. Because those were the teenagers were my worst and hardest years of my life. That we never we never got calls on any older girls or calls we're always on younger, younger children for some reason. So we ended up fostering a total of seven kids over the years. And of those seven we adopted for families, for kids, and so yeah, so I just I feel like I appreciate things a lot more. I just when going to my daughter's like choir concert, I would just be kind of thinking like, Oh, where are we going? What are we getting for dinner and but now having these four and just my situations a little different. I just like I can be at a school performance and they're on stage and I just lose it. Just knowing like, their backgrounds and all of their obstacles that they've overcome and just seeing how far they've come is just truly amazing. 

KA Yeah, that's awesome. And you have a perspective of, of, you know, losing a parent what that's like, you know, what I'm saying? So yeah, you can empathize with, you know what they've been through. So, that's awesome. So what, what has given you hope?

CN Well, God's grace, for sure. And how he's just kind of, I mean, I can just see how he's watched over me and carried me through everything in light of seeing everything kind of in full circle. My oldest daughter, obviously, because I just knew I had to make better choices for her and wanted her to have a better life as well. Yeah.

KA And how have you made a different family than the one that you grew up in?

CN Yes, so surprisingly, with single parents, I actually received therapy which I would have loved, loved to receive a lot earlier. Right. So now with my kids now I actually we are in so much therapy. And have been in so much therapy for the past five years. They're each so different. Obviously, when you have multiple kids you have to discipline and talk to and they all learn differently, but I think a lot through therapy has helped and then my mother like my mother, I mean, she did the best she could, you know growing when I was growing up like the like that I had today. I love her so much. I couldn't do everything that I do today. If it wasn't for her. I mean, she helps out tremendously with our family.

KA Oh, that's awesome. That's awesome. And I'm sure that's a joy for her to be able to, to get to do that. So what would you like for people to take away from your story?

CN I think a couple of things. Like one thing I just want to instill in my children is like never to be a victim of circumstance but I want them to be you know, a hero in their own life, whatever that looks like for them. My children know that they were adopted. And they know that it lived at the shelter but so every year we take presents to the shelter for the kids, but I just want them to always know where they came from, but it doesn't define them who they are. It's just a part of who they are and what they went through and what they have overcome. But I also would like I think just for people to take away about forgiveness because I think that bitterness and resentment can it only hurts you and just looking back I love like I said my mother and then my nanny for taking me to visit my dad all those years looking back decided our time was gonna be limited the way it was. And then my dad like I love him no matter what he did. I will always cherish those memories with him. My only regrets are just not going to give him more even though we did as much as we could. I just I just encourage people to always to forgive those who have heard them and allow themselves to heal.

KA Yes. Now when about we delivered Epson first and some first night bags the other day and two children to the CPS office and it's for children who've been removed for that first night so that they have all the things that they will need for that first night. And she said they don't have enough foster families. So some of the children are staying in hotels. They have to have you know around the clock care from caseworkers or whatever. And so, what is your thoughts about fostering for the community?

CN Yeah, I tried to, I try to be as with a little bit of social media as is open and real as I can about about my my experience with them. And they they're all just I mean, I didn't have one bad experience, but I always encourage people that and tell people, having your own child is a lot different than fostering or adopting another child like just seeing your child may not have the the all of the issues, maybe everything that that other child needs, but just it's so much more to see that child like overcome things and to grow and to heal. But you don't get to experience with your own child. But yeah, I just it's I can't even imagine what it's like right now with COVID and things. I'm sure that it's even harder to get kids into homes right now. But we did have so many kids come to us with in trash bags. That's what they had. And it's so sad.

KA Yeah, yes, well I think it's awesome that you have taken all that has happened to you and turned it into good and that is amazing and that you're taking care of these other children that you know that you've you've really allowed your life to come full circle and be so beautiful and successful. That's amazing.

CN Thank you. Thank you.