Frani Fox Part 3
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
FRANI FOX
PART 3
How do you believe you are enough?
KELLY
Was she enough? Frani Fox and her husband were planting a church in a brand new state. They had moved from Southern California to Texas, with two young boys, and Frani felt like people were watching her every move.
A whispering voice tried to tell her that she wasn’t enough - not strong enough, not generous enough, not good enough to be a mom and a pastor’s wife. She knew this whisper was a lie, but it was hard to believe the truth.
WHAT IS AN ACT OF BETRAYAL?
In this episode of Frani Fox’s story, her closest friend betrays her, yet she chooses to speak truth from the darkest night of her soul.
I've never experienced grief like that, where the loss of the person that I loved since I was a kid is gone.
HOW DO AUTHORS GET PUBLISHED?
KA So you became an author and you were published so tell me about that
FF Well I’ve always loved the scripture that said the Lord is my song and years and years ago I cross that word out and put book the Lord is my book and just meaning that the expression of the Lord I just throw things about him that I wanna express and I love simplicity and so our youngest son he came to me and said mom we did a poem at school it’s called Rabbits in the Ghetto and I thought that super funny so that became the title of my book it’s a little twist on on the troubles of life versus God’s promises it is a book on God‘s promises and it’s encouraging that to to be like in darkness to sing what no-one else is to shine when other lights shine brighter it’s just that book of encouragement to do everything that God‘s given you and that whole back and then got some other plans I’ve done another one and we’ll see what happens with that and hopefully in the future I’ll be able to express more more wonderful things about God in simple terms and I think there’s a lot of words in the world and not know if there needs to be that many words in the world
KELLY
Frani learned how cheap words were when she uncovered a web of lies spun by her husband, the pastor.
In a time that nearly broke her, it was harder than ever to hold onto the truth.
WHAT DOES WEB OF LIES MEAN?
KA So I am your ministry continues and in life and church continues it looks a little different today and do you wanna share anything about that
FF Well I’ve come upon the biggest challenge of my life and in the big challenges there’s a lot of the opportunity to make choices and this is this is a painful thing to share but while my husband and I have been married 33 years he’s chosen to go out and to choose another and in that decision it created a lot of opportunity for me to to reflect on what I believe about God just like I said the Lord is my shepherd I have all that I need as this time in my life has been approaching God is putting things into my life to pave the way For care and for provision I’m not alone the Lord is truly close to the brokenhearted and he cares for us and our deepest sorrow and I will say a lot of people talk bad about the church these days because of pastors in musicians and all the people in charge that do moral failure or they are hypocritical order and kind and those are truths of the human condition but what I’ve noticed in this and in my great disappointment is that God has used the church the people of the church to care for me to care for me to minister for me to encourage me in the beginning of this very personal and deep trial my our oldest son wrote me a letter and he said mom storm the hill you can do this and that always makes me cry because I know the courage that he’s telling me to draw from is from the Lord
HOW CAN YOU TELL SOMEONE IS PRETENDING?
KELLY
Frani and her two sons were at a loss. Their father, who had been trusted by his family and an entire church, was not who he had pretended to be.
Their only option was to look to Jesus, who was a never-changing source of truth.
FF and our younger son in my sorrow has said mom the Lord is your shepherd you have all that you need and God has put an army of women around me that have nurtured me and shown the depth of the Lord‘s love to me and he uses everyone in a different capacity there’s a practical friend the deeply emotional friend the caregiver friend and all these women and I think gosh women they’re such a blessing for the Lord especially women that have raise children that I’ve had their own sorrow they carry weight That is so profound I know people feel when they reach a certain age and women heard that they’re less significant there and seeing and I think oh you’re missing it the older woman is the powerhouse she carries the emotions of all the brokenness in this world and there’s a lot of brokenness in this world I don’t the the situation in my life is fresh and God is providing new things for me
KELLY
I watched Frani pick up her sword and fight when it seemed impossible. She took shelter in my home as divorce papers were being signed and accusation after accusation was thrown at her. She held her head high, because she was done believing lies.
FF and being with one person since I was 15 is 15 years old it requires a lot of trust in the Lord in about three years ago I started asking the Lord grow my faith grow my faith grow my faith because without faith it’s impossible to please God all the church doing all the stuff we do it doesn’t please God but what pleases God is faith so I kept Asking God to grow my faith no I’m not saying I wanted this ever in my life but at this time I am truly understanding finally for the first time faith surrender letting go I have no power I am powerless which is the first step of the 12 steps and powerless in the situation and in powerlessness I am powerful and powerlessness I trust God and trust in God I believe that he’s going to give me hope for the future and every day is a decision to do that again and what I love about these Christian women in my life they have seen me really a mess a big mess and they don’t give up and when other people believe for you if you believe
KA Yeah that’s awesome well you’re amazing you’ve taught us a lot
FF Thank you Kelly you’re amazing
KELLY
It doesn’t make a lot of sense until you experience it. When we are powerless, we are actually powerful? How does that work? God poured his strength into Frani in a way she couldn’t deny.
WHAT IS THE FIRST STEP OF THE 12 STEPS
FF I do want to say that every person that’s exercised faith and caring for me it’s going to grow their faith and I think it’s just a big it’s a big step it’s like a big snowball it gets bigger and bigger and bigger just like the negative gets bigger and bigger and bigger the positive also gets bigger and bigger and bigger and the Bible says to overcome evil with good and so the love that I received from the body of Christ has overcome the evil and to see that’s been around me and now my choice is to focus on what God‘s given me and not what I’ve lost and I’m excited to keep serving the Lord in my life it look completely different from what I’ve done and I’m going to trust him with that
KA That really is what church is and I think we get confused as Americans thinking that it’s all getting dressed up and going to sing and you know shaking hands and all of that but it’s really meeting people‘s needs
FF And it’s really the Lord using people to meet your needs because there is no way that they could know the needs that I had specifically you Kelly and your family like taking me into your home and loving me in the midst of my biggest deepest grief I have a counselor who’s that I am that someone in the church provided for me everything I have to grow has been a provision everything nothing have I obtained on my own like grabbing and pulling and it’s a miracle everything has been a miracle the more you learn about him the more you learn about yourself and the more you learn about yourself the more you realize that he is the only thing that will give you what you really need which is something that we as women struggle with with our husbands and kids and careers and body image and beauty in our significance I guess
KELLY
Frani had stumbled into this web of lies just as the virus was taking over our world. Since then, she has moved back to beautiful California, her homeland. I flew out to see my dear friend on an unusual rainy day, and we reflected on all that this year has brought.
HOW TO MOVE TO CALIFORNIA
KA the last time you and I visited was about a year ago. And you had just had your great disappointment. And so what happened after that
FF we were talking and I was staying with some friends. And I was I had come out to California just to visit my mom. And the Lord did some amazing things. I walked into a dialysis clinic. And it really wasn't even the dialysis clinic. It was this office that wasn't open to the public. And I just said I needed to. And they said sit down and I got a job that was capable of paying me enough to move. And I was not divorced yet. But things were not going to change. And so I decided that I was going to move out there and pursue that job.
KA When you got the news about your great disappointment, and all of that started to play out, and all started helping you pick up the pieces. What, what were some of the significant things that you experienced during that time, where you saw God move your life in ways that you did not expect?
FF What I saw during that time, was in my utter like, despair, where I had nothing. God used His people around me so significantly and so individually, that each person played a role that was so profound, I could never have made it without God putting each person into my life and, and I could go through the list. I do want to say that my sons were so strong in that time. And their girlfriends, they literally would sleep with me with their arms around me. And each son in his own strength, ministered to me in ways that I still shocked by and still love to talk with my oldest son, Isaac, he, he sent me a note and it said, Where does my strength come from? My strength comes from you, you know the verse. And then he said, storm the hill, Mom, you can do this. And he was putting that fire in me to move and to move on. And then my youngest son, Sam, one night, he was hugging me. And I was crying. He said, Mom, what are you afraid of? And I said, I'm afraid of division. I'm afraid of more division. And I'm afraid of us being divided. And he said, Mom, The Lord is my shepherd. which is my favorite verse. He said, so in his softer way, he instilled that strength and also spoke to me. It was really powerful. That and then I had so many so many friends in each one so individual, like God did not miss a beat in leading me in I was staying with you and Richard. And you kept saying to me, you're gonna have a wonderful life, you're gonna have a wonderful life. Also the point that I had choice but to believe it. In that motivated me to act album. And there were so many things that you and I did together. We, you helped me in my banking you in in crazy, crazy ways, helped me get my nursing license, helped me know how to do things on the computer, when I would be crying at the bank, he would take over and help me make up a password. It was so practical, and yet so loving. And my friend Denny and Joanne, they just supplied me so much with health and nourishment, Laura, she just kept giving me everything I needed. And my friend Hannah just would speak such strong truth and wisdom into me. And my friend Emily gave me all the regen books. And I mean, I can't even like I'm gonna leave people out. Jen and Asa gave me a home to live in and let my kids come with their girlfriends and do their dog and, like, live there. And I can't, I'm so scared that I'm going to leave out a significant person that God used God used, my friend Lisa McMurray to fly all the way to Texas and drive to California with me just turn around and drive right back, like, and I was willing to drive alone, but God knew I couldn't ride. So he provided it. And then when I got here, my friend Wendy they found me this beautiful place where I rented for, I don't know how long, maybe two months. And it was like overlooking this gorgeous Hill. And when I pulled up, it was the pandemic. So a lot of people wouldn't talk to me or see me in there was a box right by the gate. And it had blankets and coffee and coffee maker and bottle of wine. All this stuff that she was putting in there for me. And the people that own the place. They didn't know me, but they they knew I needed something. It just was like, all the way all the way. When I got here, God provided a job for me that was big and well paying and it made us like a bad conduit, my trainer and the job. She said some significant words to me. She said when I would cry at work, she'd say going back and stop crying because we had a job to do. And then she said, You don't need to worry about it. When you take something you didn't earn. You won't appreciate it when you have it so you don't need to worry about what happened to you. And I said okay, and then I just kept going and then when I bought this condo, it was like the perfect condo that I prayed for and you and I and Laura, we had a vision board for You said Frani and create a vision board for the future. And I said condo cats for me as well. And this condo is more than that vision board. And Laura came you couch and it fits perfectly in the condo. My kids Oh, I wanted a Christmas tree for my kids because I knew our family wouldn’t be the same for Christmas and it was going to be painful. And so that was on my vision board to get a Christmas tree. I just got to get a Christmas tree gotta get Christmas tree. And we had the best Christmas; we we celebrated each other. We wrote letters to each other. And we hiked, which we love. And it was, God did that. And what else did he do? Oh, when I bought the condo the escrow lady. I was I had to read on my escrow papers it said Frani Fox, a single woman. And I just started crying in the escrow office and she started crying. And she said, you can do this. And he got never stopped telling me I can do it my niece and nephew and a Kayla, they didn't have a washing machine, and they would let me come use the washing machine. And hug me. I just can't tell you how many amazing people, even people that I didn't know people that I've met since my neighbors in my condo complex. They've said such tremendous words to me when neighbors said, Be careful what you feel yourself within your emptiness. emptiness is a requirement to the to knowing your purpose. And that just helped me so much. Because in such terrible despair, you want to fill that emptiness with things you shouldn't.
KA And so what would you like to say next? Do you talk about what God has taught you what you've what he's done through you.
FF I think one of the things that God has, had been preparing me long before I even knew any of this was that he, he started, he started giving me practice. For the Lord is my shepherd, I have all that I need. I started a practice that in about two years before all this news came out, I started praying and asking the Lord to put all my faith, because I know that without faith, it's impossible to please God. And he who comes to God must believe that He is and he's rewarded, and that diligently seek Him. So I knew that I had become good at just doing what needed to be done and not really experiencing faith because things were in some order in my life. And when things went out of order, I think it was such a time that God was going to grow my faith. And the grief has been intense. Like I've never experienced grief like that, where the loss of the person that I loved since I was a kid is gone. And by choice, so that that's a lot of grief. Yet, it's given me a lot of opportunity to trust the things that God already put in there. And so when I say that the Lord is my shepherd, I have all that I need. I can't believe it. Like, he keeps giving me everything I need, if I need something is there. And it's been there with all the people in it's been there practically with my job and my jobs as I have another job now, which I am so excited about> He really is giving me the desires of my heart. And I'm actually witnessing it. It's not like something that I'm speaking about. It's actually a fact in my life. And I've always wanted to be a hospice nurse. And now I get to be a hospice nurse with this great team. And I've had some really great spiritual experiences with my patients, and incredible things where I had to pray, and God would come through in those experiences, and I could have never had those experiences. Without the trial first. I hope I'm not making it seem easy, because it has not been easy. And there's still nights when I can't wrap my mind around what's gone on and the changes in my life. But I'm sure that God will provide for me whatever needs to come next. And I just hope that I'm that I remember everything He's done for me. And there was a song by Hillsong before when I was still married, and it says it's called only No One but You and I remember the Lord saying Frani there's no one but me. And I was thinking No, no, no Lord, no, because I knew he was preparing me for a loss that I didn't want to go through. And and He's brought me through to this far and I am going to make it again, much closer to my sons now. And I think that I see things through their eyes better, where before I was busy about my life, and now, I think I'd rather be where I am today than back where I was, is what I'm saying.
KA Wow. Wow. That's huge.
FF Yeah, it's it's created such a greater depth of intimacy, empathy. For others, like when I've been with a patient who is going to die or family members die, I know what it's like to have a loss that you don't want to have. And there's nothing you can do about it, you just have to go through it. And so I'm so thankful that God, I'm not thankful that this happened in my life, it's sad. It's a whole lifetime thrown out in a sense, but not really. It, I walked into something different. And so when I’m with those patients, I can empathize in a way I couldn't have done without this experience. And I think it was probably the worst thing I could ever think of that I would ever have to go through. Because I really did love my marriage, my husband. But I think, with the LORD we can go through anything, just like my mom was saying, and I don't think there's a last that the Lord can't take us through.
KA I think one of the beautiful things about you is that you never lost your faith. And in even in marriage, but that even though all of this has happened, you still believe what God says about that?
FF Yeah, and I've actually discussed so interesting that you said that, because we did a lot of marriage counseling and a lot of speaking at conferences and things like that for marriage. And when people would ask me, Do you still believe that I'm like, Yes, I still believe everything we said. I do and don't and and still, I would still apply that to my marriage if I was still married. So I don't just because what happened to me, doesn't take away the validity of what God says.
KA That's huge. What would you want people to take away from your story?
FF The Lord is my shepherd, I have all that I need that. There isn't anything the Lord can't supply. He really can give you every single thing you need. I believe that as my core and I'm not saying that like it didn't hurt I'm not covering up anything and saying it that that's a truth that I really, I believe with all my heart. To this painful
KA you arw one of my favorite people ever
FF You are one of my favorite people and beautiful thing I do I do. I have the most insightful, heartfelt family. Non perfect family, which I'm so glad you're done with perfect. is so loving.
KA It is so loving. That is the base of it all. It said beautiful. Thank you.
KELLY
If you were to walk past Frani on the streets of Los Angeles, you might catch a glimpse of those bright eyes. But you would probably never guess how much pain they’ve seen, or how much goodness God has shown her.
Frani’s story is a paradox of its own. Simple, yet deep. It’s a simple struggle between truth and lies, between faith and fear, between loss and life. Yet it shows the depth of Jesus’ heart for us, of the relationship he desires to have with us.
In the end, that love calls us to be people of forgiveness and grace. We can’t elevate our woundedness above the power of the cross. So we choose to forgive and walk in that grace.
