Josh Brewer Part 3
Josh Brewer Part 3
But God Meant it for good
KELLY
After growing up in an abusive home and then bouncing around in the foster care system, Josh Brewer had given up looking for a real dad. At age 16, he had decided to simply put his head down and try to blend in. It seemed that no one cared about him, so why should he care about anything?
Well, that all changed when he met his heavenly Father. God introduced himself to Josh one night at youth group, when all hope had seemed lost. Josh felt an overpowering love from this God that wrecked him. This was a Father he couldn’t see, but oh, he could hear him. Josh’s spirit leapt when he felt God asking him to venture into music and see what good gifts God had in store for him there.
JB And so I started learning chords, and then our youth pastor at the time. He said, Hey, we need to, we need a keyboard player. And, you know, would you would you mind jumping in.
KELLY
Josh’s journey admittedly had a somewhat… rocky start. But he was so enraptured by his Father’s loving voice calling him forward, that he refused to stop.
Welcome to Josh Brewer’s final episode on Qavah.
I put my yes on the table
And so, my, my cousin, my uncle son was there than in the home, he played bass in the band. So he's like, hey, you need to come play keys and, and so I jumped up and auditioned. And I never forget playing first service I was playing. It's horrible. I didn't know what I was doing. And we finish the service. And we get to the message part. And the youth pastor is, we had two youth pastors when I was given the message. And he's given us all to response time. And the other one is in the back sitting next to me. And like I said, a couple 100 kids, and this guy back here, literally benchpress, like 400 pounds, he's just huge man. And he's, like, go up there, like I can go up there is like, just go and play behind him. And you know, when he's given this article, and it seems 10 minutes must have been a minute or two, I finally went up there. And I played all these minor chords, which are like, depressing chords. And I was like, Oh, my gosh, I never forget the service candidate. And I'm like, I'm never doing this again. Right? I literally was quitting right there. And I just felt that little tug. It's okay, you back up, and it's not dead and started playing the next week. And, and eventually that process happened. It went on for a couple years. And I was still the type where looked scared to death, reluctant to get on stage, but be in the corner in the shadows. I don't want to be seen. And fast forward a couple years. There was a very influential man in my life. It was a band back in that day, called Sonic flood, that are very well known at the time, had a lot of success in contemporary Christian music. And the lead singer was a guy named Jeff do and he was actually my 10th grade Sunday School teacher when he was in town. Oh, and so he quickly became a mentor, just a man that I lived to Okay, what does it mean to be a man in general, let alone a godly man. And so I'm about 21 Still playing keys in the band, and church, and the youth pastor calls it one Wednesday night, he's like, hey, the guys that are leading worship, they can't be here tonight. Can you jump in? Like I said, 334 100 kids and youth group. This point, never sang in front of anybody in my life. And I was like, Oh, here's been saved for about, you know, four years now. Let me be a team player. Let me jump in. And I get up there. And I lead. And at this point, like, Jeff had been, I mean, traveled all around the world doing these worship City Nights and Sonic praise, and all these other things where 1000s of people were gathering together to worship. And so that was really going to influence the worship that I had. The problem is, that was the only example I had, I didn't know what I was doing. So I tried to emulate and kind of recreate that and, and I get it their lead worship, pour on my heart. It's horrible, right? I'm just No. And Jeff comes up. And it's funny. He comes to our keyboard player that she's 13 and he says, Hey, that was good, you know, just play a little bit, you know, real gentle then he turns to me and just he and I, he says his opening statement was that was the worst worship service I've ever been a part of. And then and then he went on, you know, for the next 10 minutes, he's like, and I kept looking at my watch. And I kept seeing kids get up in the back. And he's like, you're not called to do this, you're called to play for somebody like me who's called to do this and, and really was out of love. It was like, I know what's needed for this, and you don't have it. And it was, it was a catalytic moment, because I never forgot, forget going back to I valued his opinions so much. And on one hand, I was like, he's right, I'm done. I'm never gonna, I'm never gonna do this. And on the other hand, it was God, I feel like you call me to do this, and I'm struggling, yes, on the table, maybe this isn't the right thing. The right avenue, whatever. But anyways, it was a catalytic moment. And I'll never forget. So it was May of May, let's see, that was 2005. And shortly thereafter, actually, within that, the next year and a half or so, man, God just continue to open up doors for that particular gift.
KELLY
Most people would have been demolished by this kind of criticism. But Josh simply had a quiet faith that God had something good for him in music, even if he didn’t know what it looked like yet.
And so that didn't seem for a while at that point, kind of came back, and really just trusted the Lord for Okay, let me go back. So I'm gonna keep playing keys, and keep just being faithful with the opportunities that he would open.
KELLY
Josh began to understand that God had hidden something beautiful in him this whole time, even though it was invisible on the outside. And a little while later, he got to see someone else the same way that God saw him.
KELLY
So somewhere along the way you married.
And so I shared with her that, you know, God's love and it's all 139 that God has more good thoughts about the stars in the sky, and she's valuable, and in that moment, I just prayed and kind of a weird, she was sitting next to me and say hey can I put my hands on. Do you know I was thinking what Paul said later, lay your hands on them and pray that she thought it was super weird but anyways I pray for her, and she accepted Christ, that night Oh wow, and then we kind of went our separate ways for a little while, and she, she kind of did her thing and I would come up there I remember bringing my sister up there, my younger sister. At this point, all the older kids had moved back to Nashville. And so the tool wants had moved back and my mom had actually. come back in the picture. So and this time when I meet my wife, my mom had moved back and she's gotten sober, God's done tremendous work in her life, and now we're reconnected from the family unit, obviously grown dysfunctional grew up I'm like well how does this. How's the family supposed to work. But in that moment, I'm meeting with Larissa, and I bring my sister up there to Sonic and she comes out, my wife now Larissa she comes out, and I think she thought that I was with another girl, and so she writes a note hi friend, and some car hop brings it out and I write back I'm not your friend sent it back and talk to me in only a couple of minutes, and you know she eventually comes out and long story short, she starts coming to church, and so she got saved in that June of 2006 started coming to church, and we'll say around October, and came for about a month or so. And then I realized I was like, man, there's something different about this girl did beyond the issues like I saw that there was a nurturer, in her heart and I was like, man, there's something beautiful underneath the surface beyond the outside beauty. And I'll never forget. It was a Tuesday night, I was in youth band practice. And we're going to do anything practicing, and she is blowing my phone up, and I'm like what's wrong, and she's like, I need to take this pill I gotta write this like 1500 page essay, and I need to take this to a bill to do it and I told her I said look if you're gonna take into the pills and drugs and so I'm done I'm not, I'm not talking to you. And I never forget and of Africa's early, she came over my house, I helped to do some research and help to help her get the page started, and was about midnight, and I was like, You can't stay here, so you gotta go, so she went home, we got on AOL Instant Messenger. and I stayed up all throughout the night, helping to write this page so she didn't take a drug and she told me that moment she said that was the first time that I've seen the love of God. You didn't bail on me did you stay do that and that really was the thing that just unlocked her heart even though I didn't know at the time but she wasn't really attracted it also is one of those things that she was just looking for a friend and so we eventually we'll get through it on this side and, like, the wisdom is something in my heart towards her something in her heart towards me, and she starts coming to church for that month, we got a month after that we start dating
you need you need to reach out to your dad
we're playing in the city. And I feel like this is you know, I don't know what's going on here. But that's fun. Let's you know, she's like, Oh, my gosh, you know, you need you need to reach out to your dad. I said, I haven't said the word dad. And come to find out. She had a picture. I still have it to this day. Around the time my dad went to prison. She took us to this conference at this place in Yakima, Washington at the Sonoma arena. And it was like guys like Mario Murillo and Jeff and all some of these guys that are kind of like Carmen like the Christian guys, revivals, whatever. And we had this picture with this guy, Jeff, and all long, curly hair, rocker, whatever, and six kids and my mom. And she said, this is at the center of Reynosa. You got to be kidding me. Like we're playing at the Sandow Marina. And I was like, God, this is like, so weird. And I don't know what to do with all this. And so she ends up, give me his number, my dad's number, she kept it over the years. And I kind of just cold call, and I'm like, Hey, we're, it's your son, Josh. And I'm going to be in town, and didn't know if you'd be open to connecting. And it was this conference, we're playing this this conference, like 10,000 students in the state, and he agrees to meet up so he shows up doors are about to open, everyone's lining up outside and he kind of weaves through and, you know, tell my bass player Hey, go help me find my dad. He's like, Yeah, what's the look like? I'm like, I don't know. And so, kind of find out we ended up you know, meeting together. And he comes in and said, All Agra, conifers, do I do I shake your hand? Do I hug it? I say, Hi, James. Or do I say, Dad, we get through all that. And man, just after the conference that night, stay up to like two in the morning, got to meet his mom. And I guess I met her when I was a kid. But I don't remember. She was on oxygen, just not doing well. But it got to meet and got to share the love of God and say, Here's, I know that this has been a life of hell. It's been tough. But here's what look what I'm doing. Now. Look what God has opened up and I just want you to know that forgive you and not doing the best. Ultimately, what I wanted to meet up with him is I want him to see the grace of God in my life that hey, if God is liquid, he said to me, like, not only do I forgive you, but I want you to forgive you. And then that moment when I thought that was actually letting him go, it was it was really the Lord releasing me. Like I wasn't releasing it. The Lord was releasing me from all those years of data issues and all these other things of like, okay, like, now we can start the healing process. Like at that point, I had been saved for years. And I've acknowledged all my hurt and pain and all that stuff. I was open with it with my testimony. But it couldn't be healed because there wasn't reconciliation. There wasn't this sense of Haven. Like there was a there was a something like an artifact stuck in your, in your body, whatever it is, and was like, I kept trying to put a bandaid around it, because I needed to remove that. So the healing process could actually begin. And so it wasn't till then it was okay now, like I thought it was already healed because it was callus over or whatever. It's kept up. But it's like, no, I want that scab to become a scar. Right? And so now it's like now we start so I've been on that journey for the past 15 years of trying to allow that scab to turn to a scar to where now when I see it, it's like okay, there's it's not like it's it's wrong. It's like oh my gosh, so let me get back to where I was saying with this with that story. So that that's so catalytic. At that point, we connect, get information. And we stay in contact text message once a couple of times a year, maybe a phone call, not a lot of communication. And at this point living in Nashville, got two kids. and a church from Mississippi reaches out to me cold call kind of thing on LinkedIn my LinkedIn was like a MySpace didn't have anything. And they reach out and want to connect and I see Mississippi and it was a Baptist church and I thought there's two things that don't aren't congruent with me and my wife was seven months pregnant with our third child, and we go through this process and ultimately it was, she said I had a I have a peace that I haven't felt in years. I mean no reason weren't looking, it was like we were settled in. So we decided to put our yes on the table, long process,
we ended up moving to Mississippi get connected with some basic church there in worship ministry. And that's where we were for the past five years building growing, we had a third child there. And then, while we're there, we also had our fourth child. And two years ago had a conversation with our senior executive pastor who basically just said hey I want you to pray about being one of our campus pastors, and at that time I thought okay, well, I'll pray about it, there was opportunity I didn't feel that that was the right place, time for that. So I kind of put my team and I said hey, thanks but no thanks, and they said hey we'll put it on the shelf or consider later. And fast forward to May of 2019 I was at a friend's church in Orlando and he said we want vacation Orlando we Hey, man, I know what you are sharing some of the things that were in your heart? Well, hey, we're launching a campus in North Dallas didn't know if you'd be interested to have a conversation. And I was like, ah, you know, I didn't want to launch the last one. So I kind of said no process and all these things and but at the end of the day, remembering that word that I felt like the Lord gave two years ago, and one thing led to another conversations happened got connected with the guys and really, for the past five or six months was was in conversation.
No thanks had been Josh’s answer but now he was willing to say yes. He was able to see how God had been orchestrating things and was able to experience another restoration in his family.
Another layer of healing
And eventually they, you know, my point decided to move forward with with offering the position I asked him at the time I said, Hey, why did you want to move forward? Because there was a tuner stuff that people applied and, and you know, they affirmed some things and he said, it was a huge plus, that you were working at this other church in Mississippi because we love them we know what they're doing. And that was just that really was a catalytic thing in this decision. So then all sudden, it dawned on me man, the beginning of that prophetic word that where I have you it's not by accident, but I've been strategically placing and setting things up and, and now all of a sudden, it's the timing, the place, the position, the purpose, all that kind of came together, where it's like, okay, here we are. And so put our yes on the table moved here three months ago. And right before we moved, my biological dad called me and hadn't seen him at this point since I was 23. So another normals, 15 years, 1415 years. And my kids have been asking, Are we ever going to meet your granddad or my granddad meet your dad? And I just, it was just awkward. They want to manufacture anything. And Anyways, long story short, we ended up meeting up with them having breakfast all the kids, madam, madam, Larissa, madam. And it was just as full redemption to where it's like, oh, man, like this sense of complete healing, and just this completion of now, even my kids seeing that, just another layer of healing in that process. And so I just say all that to say, through all of the hurt, the pain, the trauma, the heart ache, really a couple of verses that really have helped to pave the way for me, in my process of healing, is what Joseph went through in Genesis chapter 50. All Genesis 38 to 50. It gets to the end of it, and he says, but the meant for evil, God meant for good. And I could just rest in that and replay all those memories, all the things that I shared with you that they were heartache and heart wrenching, and it was like, man, there's a plan for that the God doesn't waste pain. He's got purpose in the pain. And then to see on the other side of the New Testament, Romans 828, that he's causing everything to work together for good for those that love Him, and are called according to His purpose. And so as I stepped into that, this this next season, looking back at the past three and a half decades of God's faithfulness, God's sovereignty in the middle of where I thought Why am I forgotten? Why am I neglected, abandoned and, and think of, there's no purpose in that, that God's like I had a plan. And he's, I can't, I can't see the full people coming together. But day by day, as I learned to trust him with that pain, trust him with that hurt, trust him with that struggle, trust him with that resentment or unforgiveness, whatever it is that it comes together, as is painting this beautiful, beautiful mosaic picture that I wouldn't have thought initially was a piece of art. But that's why we're just resting in what Ephesians two says that after being saved by grace, none of our works. So we can't boast about he says that were his his workmanship has craftsmanship that we are this beautiful piece that was put together, even in middle of brokenness and hope to God has a plan, that he can use anything and anybody, every person that has surrendered to him is a vessel that can be used for His glory. That is an awesome word right there. And he will use it. Thank you so much. Is there anything else you want? You know, I just, once again, I just say, broken pieces are best used, that the artist is when we give those pieces to Him, we will allow him to do what he does better than that is when we get to the place where we just know our perspective and our role. And understand that God sees a bigger picture that we can't see that even in the analogy the Bible gives with with pruning, that for those that are bearing fruit that he'll cut off, he'll prune it. And what seems like sometimes in our life is painful. That's why has this been cut off and actually, that the gardener is never more near than when he's pruning. And so it's a comfort to know that if you're in the middle of heartache, if you're in the middle of pain, the middle of hurt the middle of this doesn't make sense that that is a beautiful thing that the Bible says that God is near to the brokenhearted, to rest in that knowing that he's got a plan and he does restore. He does redeem all things. And to know that he doesn't waste it. So if he doesn't waste the man was not despondent. Let's let's not just go through things, but let's grow through it and give it to him and I believe that he will do his word his faithful and who Redeemed and Restored ultimately for our good, but his glory. Absolutely. Well, thank you so much. That's an amazing story.
Healing wasn’t something that Josh grew up hoping for, and when it arrived, it didn’t look the way he expected either. But when he got a heavenly Father in place of the dad he’d never had, he trusted this heavenly Father with everything. He let God decide his steps and their timing, and looking back on his life, he’s blown away.
