Josh Brewer Part 2

Broken Pieces, Beautifully Restored:

Josh Brewer’s Story of Foster Care,

Faith, and Healing

JB broken pieces are best used, that the artist is when we give those pieces to Him, we will allow him to do what he does better than that is when we get to the place where we just know our perspective and our role. And understand that God sees a bigger picture that we can't see

KELLY

Growing up, Josh Brewer only knew abandonment and abuse. In fact, it was just his normal. But when he was 14, he met a God who had always been working behind the scenes.

JB And I realized this is what a family is supposed to look like right? And the foster dad would be every night he would pray over everyone he would get his guitar out and sing a worship song. They open the Bible.

KELLY

Josh Brewer’s childhood started in a horrible place. But over the years, his story demonstrated “qavah”…God weaving a life together and restoring Josh in his perfect timing.

Welcome back to Qavah.

What is foster care like?

KA So, at eight, your father went to prison, and so then your mother had addiction issues. And so from eight to 16, you're in foster care and moving around and moving around. So does something significant happen in that time period. That elicited change for you?

JB Yeah, there was a, there's a lot of, I mean, we were literally dozens of homes. And so when you think of sometimes they would be for a week, and sometimes they'd be for a couple of months, in the perpetual process of my mom doing the best she could like, I remember being in foster care. And this woman has gone through more hardship than than any person I ever know. And I'll tell you that, but then the redemption side of this at the at the end. But I remember going and we were staying at a, at a motel in Colorado. And I remember very cold outside. And I remember wherever I don't remember the exact hotel. But I remember there was a little bit of a hill going down with a sidewalk. And I remember one time watching my mom come up carrying groceries, like just arms full of groceries in the middle of a snowstorm, to defeat the kids just demonstrates the type of woman that she was in and get a snapshot of that when you're in the middle of it, you don't you don't see that you don't learn to appreciate things like that, obviously, in retrospect, seeing the heartache that she went through, and never really considering what was it like from her perspective on that.

KELLY

Josh didn’t grow up with an understanding of how difficult his life was. It was all he knew. But soon a ray of light would break through and show him what he had been missing.

But that memory stood out for sure, during this timeframe. And that was that was a pivotal moment, which I'll come back to, but really helped to bring perspective of fullness of perspective on that, there were a couple of the things that happened during this time. I got into a home that was a really dysfunctional home. And it was a function that six foster kids, one of the guys who was he would have seizures and blackout, and he couldn't drive for that, or he would be emotional, he'd be physically there. But emotionally, he would be lashing out have no awareness of what do you do in that same home another guy who was locked up in a straitjacket home before. And then me and one other brother, and then another kid who was abused sexually his whole life and carried that drama into it. So we had this home of six kids that were just one of the kids with the foster parents biological kid. And it was just this complete, dysfunctional, you know, all the it was a, what you would think in every sort of kind of trauma all coming together. And then to cut to amplify that the parents were just not good people. And they will tell the stories I remember even at 12 years old stories that were just like no kid should hear about even their life, and what they used to do, and not just keep it vague or for now, but just things that like, okay, no kid should be hearing this. And in the middle of that. I remember there was my younger brother's sister went to a home in Colorado Springs, they went into a foster home, it was I was able to go there for a couple of weeks with them, they put me with them. And and they've never really known what it was like to sit at their table and have dinner. It's kind of a foreign concept, even in the foster care, so maybe there was one or two where you would do that. But for the most part of it just don't have any memory of that. And I'm sure it happened. But this is the first time I got there. And I realized this is what a family is supposed to look like right? And the foster dad would be every night he would pray over everyone he would get his guitar out and sing a worship song. They open the Bible. They were full of patience and kindness never, you know, never remembered them raising their voice and and I was there for have weeks. And it's still in the game from Walmart. And they found out about it and like the good godly people that they were, they may be taken aback and she's like, she felt like a man. I'm like, No, I want him again. But in that moment that, you know, they ended up releasing me from that home and put me back in the other home, but they would allow me to visit every other week. And so it quickly became a kind of a safe haven, almost this, this, you know, I'm over here in the desert. And this was just like a cup of cold water that I would get every every other week. And my younger brother and sister stayed there, too. And so those are some of the more formidable moments in that highlight being that for sure.

KELLY

Josh’s experience in this godly home was brief, but it made an impact on him at 14 years of age. Unfortunately, he still had a couple more years of hardship ahead of him.

But then I remember moments, you know, being in and out of foster care, other catalytic moments that once again, in the moment, you don't realize it, it just seems normal. But on the backside, it's like, oh, wow, that was really messed up. I remember being at a gas station, one time with my mom and one of her boyfriends and was holding up a sign something about need food or something. And somebody calls CPS and I remember getting picked up from there. And so just just all these these memories that kind of come together that it's just like manna in the moment, I can see, obviously, the sovereignty of God that there is there's a reason or another there's a reason there's a purpose. And there's every step of the way, there is a glimmer of hope for really just a lot of brokenness, a lot of hurt a lot of pain. And and so yeah, when I left that home, the good godly home, and was back in another home. And that's where I remained until I was 16. Ended up getting adopted. So

Getting adopted

KA Wow. So use how many years were you in that dysfunctional home?

JB So that was about two years or so.

KA And it was, and you have one sibling with you.

JB It was one sibling with me. Yeah. So my oldest sibling, I think was with the next older one for a season he ended up. You know, he graduated out of young adult. And both of the older siblings end up having kids when they were teenagers. And so kind of repeated the same process and repeated the same cycle.

KA It's so you got adopted?

JB Yeah. So once again, 10,12 different states from Texas, Oklahoma, all ended up in Colorado, found out that we had an uncle that lived in Nashville, Tennessee, was my mom's brother, we never met the guy. And he had found out that us for younger kids were in foster care. And he had reached out know how they got connected. Because really, you know, the trauma even in my mom's life started, even as a nine year old when she ran away from home. And, and has always been one of those things of just, you know, feeling isolated in her in our own journey. So she didn't really have much relationship with him. But at this point, the state had said, at some point during those years, those teenage years before this, the state has decided to terminate rights. And I remember hearing this distinctly. And I use it to this day, because it really is a powerful thought. But they said it's better to be in a broken relationship and a breaking relationship. And so they terminated the rights there. And we were in foster care for a couple years at that point, my mom was allowed to ride and we would still be in constant communication. But this was actually the best thing even for her, it would give her the opportunity to sort some things out in her life, as well. So find out about my uncle reaches out and the state even though we didn't know the guy, the state said it would be better to maybe be with family that we don't know, then. Not either.

So basically had some conversations. And I remember, he flew out one time, from Nashville to Colorado, and my grandpa, which is his dad, as well. And I remember that time him my grandpa taking us out to go to the Grand Canyon. I don't know how we got there and off we flew there. I can't remember. But I remember going through that and connect with him. And then long story short, we end up flying out in 2000 I believe 2000. March or 2000 ended up going there. And at this time, you know, I was a sophomore. And I was big. I remember in Colorado, they were saying at this point in school, just all failed all grades, didn't care, didn't care about anything. I was through those teenage years I was arrested for grand larceny. Had a lot of anger issues pulled a shotgun on my brother tried to shoot him out like I was had a lot of issues. And so that's when I didn't care about anything that caught my eye was the hey, look down through school, look down at the floor. Don't talk to anybody. Did everything I can do to repel people because if you get on the inside then you have opportunity to hurt me.

KELLY

Josh had stopped hoping for things to get better. He had decided that the best goal was just to protect himself and go with the flow. And yet, in spite of himself, something in him decided to take one last shot at a better life.

And so here I was in that moment. And all the drama, all the drama, processing that in mind my uncle reaching out and realize that they're going to have the opportunity to get out of this inconsistent this cycle of debt The back and forth in and out. And I was looking at that and they basically put on the terms of I have to be passing my grades. Oh, they were using it as manipulation or whatever. But I never forget, I was like, Okay, well, let me get this up and I got my grades to DS in the couple months that I had before moving, and they end up doing it. So we flew over to Nashville, and poor guy, my uncle and his wife had one kid. And he was a good kid, he was not ready for for dysfunctional kids, the car wreck the party. And we went into the house, and he, they went to church. So we had to go to church that kind of started the process of, hey, this is what a normal life and never forget, we sat down first meal, we sat at a table and I don't know what it's called, but the chili and the little Fritos and the whatever that's called, we sat down, we had sat at the table, and it was like, Oh, my gosh, this is this is what family feels like.

And he's, you know, started going to church. So we went to church, and that really started the process of, of really change and healing. And it was a long road for sure. But in that the sense of okay, like, I feel like I'm home, I got I got home. So like, I'm not a nomad going back and forth. And so through that, that season of transition, I remember the church coming along, I remember a bunch of people from the church didn't know, but they all came and they helped move in stuff and furniture and get things set up and must have been an hour, it seemed like a dozen people, but getting to connect them with people that I didn't know at the time. But years later that I remember when your uncle adopted you, and, and really just seeing the church come in and be a huge plays a huge role in that. And about about a year later, so he ended up officially adopting us and, and I was 16 going on 17 and ended up you know, really just finding a sense of okay, this is this is the new normal and and let me see what this looks like I wasn't say didn't have a church background. But I remember getting there and you know, saying okay, I can I can do this. This is This is what life is supposed to look like.

KELLY

That final grasp at hope ended up paying off for Josh. It took a lot of getting used to, but he finally had a healthy “normal.”

KA So had your Uncle, did he know about you all along? All these years? Was he like, I have a sister who has a family somewhere in the United States, but just didn't know what y'all were going through?

JB Yeah, I think there was some certainly some awareness, I think, my mom and I don't know entirely how or why what was going through her brain, but there was some isolation on her end. And in the hurt and the pain that she went through, and really was just, there's just a disconnect. I remember driving to, from Washington to Idaho, and there were some family up there as well, that we saw connected with and, and there's vague memories of being out in the, you know, in the in the woods or whatever, camping and different things. But so I think there was an awareness. I don't maybe, I don't know if they would, if he I wouldn't say that he would have known in totality, what was going on. But there was a hey, this strange sister, and there's just got kids. And I don't know if they tried to communicate over the years. But there was just an awareness. I don't even know even really how he found out about it. But there was there was certainly when, when the opportunity came to him. Wow, you know, he stepped up. Yeah, that's awesome.

The chance to open his heart

KELLY

Josh had a home and a family, but it didn’t stop there. Something much scarier was on the rise: The chance to open his heart again.

KA So you settled in? And what are you about 16? Yep. And what is your next big event?

JB So started getting connected in the youth group, and just almost out of almost out of obligation didn't I remember, there was one or two times where my mom would take us to different different churches growing up and almost like, screaming for help, you know, in the middle of all this, but never connected, never had any lasting memories in me, definitely didn't grow up in church. And so trying to get connected, and what does this look like? This is the new norm, feeling like an outcast fit and like nobody understood, nobody knew my story, what I went through, feeling like I didn't fit, which then reinforce that isolation, right. And as I was processing through that, I ended up going to one of the summer camps, that youth camps. And it was there, it was a church that was a little bit more charismatic than, you know, when you're not coming from church, kind of get thrown into it. Right? And and then forget, we're sitting there and that youth group was, it was like, I was that kid, there was a couple 100 Kids in the youth group and everybody was surrounding and like praying over me and I just, you know, even felt people kind of pushing and swaying and just in the moment and I was like, you know, standing my ground. I'm not going to be you know, hyper spiritual, whatever. And I never forget just just in a moment, like the love of God, the love of a father that I didn't understand that wasn't church. There wasn't manufacture. There wasn't somebody preaching or that it was just like this overwhelming sense of, I love you and you belong. You're my kid. And that just hit me in and all of a sudden, it was just this sense of almost like, almost like falling back like I, you know, I never felt that never knew that. And I felt the Lord speaking to my heart as I trusted him and and said, Okay, I'm gonna get my life I'm gonna give all this crap all this junk. And I felt like he's spoken, he said the vision for your life is administrative people through words and music. But it makes sense, because that was a sophomore in high school. Fast forward two years later, as a senior, I was still, you know, looking down walking through the high school not talking anybody I failed my government class, because I wouldn't get up in front of the class and debate, insecurity analysis. So that didn't make sense to you say we're never played music before in my life. And so sitting there thinking, what does this even mean? I didn't know, I was too ignorant. . For Christian cliches and right, you know, whatever, there was just this impression that this is your purpose to minister the words and music. And so a couple months later, after that, got a little keyboard, one of my, one of my family members had a little small keyboard that they gave to me. And I just started figuring out the notes and started learning I thought, well, I love what music did in movies and video games and whatever, there was a mood that was set, when you would hear music, play, and invoke this emotion or like, there's something powerful about that. And so on one hand, I was like, I really want to know, you know, I want to be able to create something like that, that evokes the emotion that I get when I hear that, you know, if you watch a scary movie, and you hit mute, it's all sudden, a scary, or moving part or whatever. But then there was that, okay, well, what does this music part, what does that? And so I started learning chords, and then our youth pastor at the time. He said, Hey, we need to, we need a keyboard player. And, you know, would you would you mind jumping in

KELLY

Before being placed in the foster care system, Josh had grown up in a home where Dad coming through the door was terrifying. He and his siblings used to hide the belt when their dad returned from work. Then he had spent years in the foster care system with no sense of up or down, with constant uprooting and anxiety on every side. He didn’t know what it was like to have a stable father. But now he was face to face with a heavenly Father who hadn’t changed since the beginning of time.

This Father God tenderly cared for Josh and walked him through a process of healing through music. He even showed Josh things about himself that he hadn’t known. He invited him into a new kind of life, the life of a beloved son.

God saw big things in Josh because he had created him. So when Josh heard God asking him to open his heart to others through music, he trusted him. The young man who had tried desperately to blend in to his high school walls was about to lift his head for the first time.

Join us next time for Josh’s final episode on Qavah.