Archibald Brothers Part 2
What is the connection between Addiction and mental health
ARCHIBALD EPISODE 2
TRADEWINDS
The accounts shared in this Podcast, including this Episode, reflect the guestsâ thoughtful recollections and opinions of experiences perceived and occurring over many years, including childhood memories, which may be fallible and limited by perspective and trauma. Persons may have different memories regarding certain events.
Mike, Richard, and Ken were the three sons of a love story gone wrong. Their parents had been high school sweethearts, and now they were filing for divorce. Dad drifted in and out of their lives and Mom drifted in and out of a mental hospital.
KHA Well I was just always told that dad always told me that youâre going to have to take care of things you know and I donât think he meant that that Iâm not but it was like OK your dad I have to go to work
Thus begins our second episode following the Archibald children. This chapter takes place at Tradewinds, an apartment complex in Mesquite, Texas.
Welcome to Qavah.
(Music: Theme music)
KA so you went to the other place it was an apartment complex right not very far from the home on hula do you remember that
MA Oh yeah I do
KA And who did you live with there
MA We lived with our mom right
RA I have absolute memories of living with mom there I mean clear memories of scary times with mom there and but I do seem to have some memory of dad being there like overnight
MA I donât remember dad ever I mean he would come and check on us I donât even know where he was at the time honestly I donât know I canât recall whether he was living with somebody else if youâre ready to sign apartment all I know he was a truck driver at the time and he was making long runs but he was making good money and he had I guess it was a two bedroom three bedroom apartment upstairs downstairs and mom just basically
RA Wait we did right
MA Yeah
RA Yes I donât know what he had
MA I donât know where he had either
KHA my dad would disappear and you know we would like to think of it he was just given mom a try in my older age I donât know so much it was just like you know what Iâm ready to disappear theyâll make it and so he would basically turn his back over to mom and then the craziness with start again no and just thinks we should never have been subject to and then heâd have to come back and kinda âand âsave the day if you will I was old enough to think where is he going what is he doing because this ainât gonna work
So here they were, three boys in a strange new home with their mother, who was trapped in a separate reality. Her mind became a prison as her mental torment grew, causing her sanity to flicker on and off. Their father, meanwhile, appeared and disappeared like a ghost.
They were losing their parents.
SCARY TIMES WE LIVE IN
KA So you said scary times with your mom what did that look like?
RA Oh times where and I am placing some of what I understand after the fact on this but that she wasnât able to get prescription meds that she wanted to have and maybe needed to have to feel OK and she would just have a anger burst and I donât know itâs like she was kind of crazy and seemed in and threatening to ask and I guess you know weâre kids Iâm sure we were a little annoying as kids can be and if you already are that much on the edge I guess I could put you over easy and so I remember times where I can literally I donât know where he would get her into but basically hold the door so she was stuck wherever she was so that she couldnât get out and I just remember I remember just thinking what I donât even know what I was thinking you know I went for maybe if Iâm lucky and itâs just life I just was kind of scared I know that scary but I didnât really grasp that it was even weird for that matter
KA Right it was just how your family operated
RA Right
KA So do you remember that
MA oh yea
KA Ken having to
MA I remember the door holding I remember her upstairs in her bedroom where Ken was keeping that just grasping that knob so she couldnât open it
UPPERS AND DOWNERS
MA I was at least in second grade maybe I was in first grade but Ken was a little guy heâs just a young boy way you know and mom were just she got on her prescription meds that were you know when we were growing up you know you got upperâs you got downers and I always just thought kind of thought mom was taken downers I wouldnât thinking that then but I just knew that she slept a lot and whenever she ran out of whatever it was and she couldnât have it it was you know mom is out her mom is up and we should run hard because you donât wanna interact with her we had a I wouldnât say 911 but we had a friend that was he was my friend his name is Teddy but his mother would make a drive over to the Trade Wind Apartments and she would take mom and us and we would leave that apartment and we go like to McDonaldâs we did that a couple times and mom would get her a little carton of milk and she was start to calm down a little bit and that would work honestly that would work for a little bit weâre like OK mom weâre through this whatever this disruption this whatever youâre going through youâve kicked it so letâs just move forward from here but it would always be right back to you prescription I donât know if she was taking too many of them and then sheâd run them and she had to wait till whatever she get should be up there in that bed if we get hungry when we say mom can you give us some food and she just lash out
KA OK so she just didnât want to be bothered
MA No she just know I donât wanna donât wanna do that yâall fend for yourselves
KA so your dad was he aware of all of these things that were going on
MA I think he was I think it wouldnât take a rocket science scientist to be there a couple minutes and see where mom was matter-of-fact I can remember him a couple of times trying to get her up and make her move around but I donât remember really anything that other than what would eventually happen with her being committed
VIOLENT FITS
MA And her fits that she would have it became violent I mean it wasnât just leave me alone or whatever she would literally put her two hands around our neck and choke us it was just I donât think she control of what she was doing without her medication the idea of functioning she just wanted to stop and I remember clearly she raced your hands and I think she did it to Ken I know she did to me I donât know if you remember it but it was scary it was
KA. Was that confusing like this is my mom who is supposed to love me
MA Yeah I had a hard time even understanding how I should react to it I just remember at some point mom you got a let go oh I can remember begging to her mom please please let go please let go we wonât ask for anything else if youâre in if please donât get candy again and Ken was doing the same it was absolute chaos and just horrific as a seven or eight-year-old just seeing my mom and we always she was always our ally whenever Dad was on us or whatever she would be the one that was somewhat protect us but now even and like we said we saw it coming because she was not herself anymore she was just in bed all the time Ken was holding the door shut
KA Do you remember that
RA No not that clearly itâs just still Iâm still at an age where thereâs pictures pictures of a knife at some point donât remember what all that was about but I know I was scared and other than that just pictures of being outside that was sort of our I think our at least to me I remember that was peace to be outside and I had a big wheel that I just rode around that apartment complex I think maybe you guys were at school and thatâs what I would do in the daytime
MA. I donât see how you
RA I would just stay out on the big wheel and then I remember one time those big wheels they were made from obviously a plastic and I collect I got a flat because you know the back wheels you didnât have any control over but the front is where the pedals were and so I used to like to stop in real quick and try to slide and of course doing that you were that plastic out and I remember I got hole in it so then I was gonna run back home bukoom bukoom and I just kept riding it
MA dented in it
RA Thatâs right yeah thatâs what I remember is being outside was good
Unlike their mother, the three boys could escape from the chaos from time to time. They learned how to parent themselves - mostly by trial and error.
PLAYING OUTSIDE
MA The back doors to each apartment so we walk out of our back door and there was a courtyard and grass which led to the back door of the other apartment and their front door will be on another street on the other side but I remember I donât know if Ken talked you into it I know I did some egging on no pun intended so you would go out and
RA In my underwear itâs like itâs like to me it seem like a football field length but it was it but it was kind a like itâs a look back now so a world war one no manâs land because you had your back door area their back door area youâre keeping into no manâs land
KA Throw eggs on someone
RA And tidy Whitey
MA you were in tidy Whitey as tighty as could possibly youâd probably outgrown those underwear that you wore
RA Probably with a towel up front
MA But Richard you got caught
RA But then I just hid under the table like they couldnât see me under the table
MA Richard
RA like an ostrich you canât see me if I canât see you
MA was upstairs looking at down in the courtyard Bowlegged Richard know weâre running out there and he rares back and all the sudden he stops and he looks and thereâs this old guy and you turned around and all and came running back into the house and we just close the door and there was the knock and man that that didnât turn out well for us because mom had there they call and that was what are yâall doing
RA Do you remember if at some point I started going to a preschool or kindergarten that was down just to the left of that plate glass window and I would go from there to the Mr. M I think thatâs what it was called and they would give me stuff to eat do you know if dad had like pre-paid them or
MA I donât
KA Your neighbors maybe pre-paid them
RA I donât know but I know where I wouldâve gotten money from but I know I would go there and I was supposed to get they had these like barbecue sandwiches and then I could get me a Chico stick and thatâs what I would get and I was supposed take the barbecue sandwich to my mom this remember I donât remember what happened to it maybe I ate it all but anyway
MA It disappeared before you got home
RA so I was just wondering if you had any knowledge about that and I didnât know if they were just nice to me or what but
MA I just remember you would come home with some goods and I didnât put two into together like how are you financing this underground barbecue sandwich thing that you have working for you
DONâT PLAY WITH MATCHES
Their dad did have a creative lesson to teach them not to play with matches
RA I guess I loved matches and of course our dad chain-smoked and so he was probably lighting them and I just thought the smell after the sulfur or whatever burns off is so good and so I think we were doing it together me and Mike we ended up catching and this was at Hula I now understand from Mike telling me I was think he was at trade wind but we caught the trash on fire and of course my dad learned of that and I think either I got blamed for all of it or maybe I really was the one that did it when surprise me because I love matches and so he as punishment and dad was big on just bustin our bottoms that was I donât remember that maybe I donât know if he thought I was too young I donât have any idea but hereâs what he decided to do he sat me down and I remember that kind of dark dark brown chair that we have for a table table chairs and he put like a trashcan or something in front of me and said OK it seems like it was a bowl of matchbooks and he said youâre going to light all these blow them out one by one and put them in there and it wasnât wood matches it was a matchbook kind and
MA You had to hold that together so that you get enough friction to light it
RA Thatâs probably how I did it yeah
KA How in the world did you have the fine motor skills for that thatâs amazing
RA I donât know what it seem to me like it was a time I was probably maybe six matches right I donât know but the message was given and taken and received I wasnât
KA Donât play with matches
RA I wasnât play with matches anymore so it was a very creative and good punishment
KA These boys would wander the apartment complex all day, doing anything they could to stay outside. One of the neighboring couples noticed them and realized what was going on.
RA and there was some lady was in a lady couple
MA Yes it was
RA. Few doors down and I think they were trying maybe they recognize things werenât good and so they would
MA Open their apartment to us
man they were refuge
RA Yeah thatâs what I remember
MA I donât remember them talk to trying to talk to mom or anything like that just that we were there in their house I remember whenever we would run whether I was going to their place or not if we just head outside maybe around the corner remember mom coming on the back porch and just holler in our names to come back and I remember thinking when I heard mike Richard come back iâm like man was she wanting us to come back because sheâs sorry or does she want us to come back to strangle us some more so we just it was kind a like once you kinda kicked the dog youâre asking the dog to come back to you the dog normally doesnât and we didnât make haste to get back to her anytime soon it was normally someone bridging the relationship and the problem that she was having at the time that allowed us to portal to come back in and we were just hope that was the last of it but it became apparent that was never going to be the last of it
They couldnât roam the streets forever. Eventually their motherâs mental health reached a tipping point.
FENDING FOR YOURSELF
MA I can remember being so hungry to where I opened up some macaroni that was not cooked
RA Yeah and you tell me the story weâre like eating
MA I was eating that and mom walked down in and it was she just she just broke down and she said like I said mom so Iâm hereâs what she did she didnât say here darling Iâm sorry she just said you need to fill up that pan and you need to put those and then boil them and I remember burning my hands so bad Ken at some point remember when he opened his shoes at Christmas and played with him outside because he wanted new Adidas shoes
RA I do and he had to re-wrap them
MA He wrapped them there but there was mud all in them whenever they re-opened them
RA Yeah
MA Mom got so angry and Ken also got some sweatshirts you could wear a little sweat bands on your wristbands be like a quarterback and I remember whenever net hand so bad it wasnât like an I need a skin graft but I remember getting that sweat band and putting in cold water and just kinda wrapping it around and we were fending for ourselves
KA. So at some point she is taken
MA And I think that Richard youâll remember this maybe I think the point of where something had to be done currently what was taking place was not sustainable whether I was going to be child protective services or whoever it might be when my mom got into her Dodge charger or Challenger or whatever it was and as high as she was decided that she was going to go down to this quickie Mart whatever it was called which was literally he would follow the actual street with the parking of the apartments and it would come out to Main Street and you literally just kept going over the next hump into the shopping center parking area when she clear that street and went into the parking lot of the shopping area and literally ran through the Pizza Place
RA Like the plate glass
MA He claimed that the brakes would not work and I can remember it having brake problems but she literally ran through the glass ran over the tables and somehow stopped before she went and hit the people they were back there working I donât know how anyone didnât get hurt other than her but she lost the majority ever teeth when that took place
KA. Wow and yâall were in the car
MA No
RA no
KA Oh yâall were not in the car OK so she was by herself
MA I just remember
her coming back I donât remember anyone coming to get us and check on us but weâre like momâs been gone a while while that pizza is taken a while I remember eventually mom laying on the couch with this huge swollen face with like one of those ice packs you know just trying to keep it the swelling down and it wasnât long after that that things changed and mom went to Terrell State Hospital
MENTAL HOSPITAL
KA did you stay there after your mom left
MA I think we actually stayed there
RA. With dad
MA yeah
he actually took us or I remember him taking us to I guess it was dormitory a where monitor was in Terrell and walking up to the third-floor a little waiting area and then the nurse would come back and open that little it waiting area and bring you down and I can remember me and Ken now being asked to come down and we could hear some like screams through the door that they were going to open and I remember walking down that long path Way and there were ladies that were just crying help me help me they were like laying outside of maybe their room door they were wearing their full slip on pajamas that were tied in the back and the nurses werenât doing a thing and Iâm like these people need legitimate help here but that was just part of the situation that these ladies and even my mom kind of found her and that had a profound effect on the realization of where my mom had fallen to all of the the fits of anger that she would have with us and where she was now
KA Do you remember that did you visit as well
RA. You know I remember going there and itâs just another of those picture memories of the being outside part because the hospital was kind of a grand time building so I have a memory of that and the sunshine on the grass and thatâs all it is is they probably thought I was too young to deal with what you guys saw because I would think that I would remember that and I donât have any memory of that
MA. I think there was there were certain to where I donât even think you got to come up when we were in there
RA Thatâs what I think because I remember waiting out in the car and then that happening outside OK question about that for you is this a real memory or did I make it up did anyone ever get MD 2020 for mom either herself when we went drive down through thereâs a little store in front thereâs liquor and beer so you have no memory of that
MA No are you speaking of when she was in the Terrell State Hospital
RA Thatâs exactly
MA So we were going to smuggle in some MD 2020
RA Absolutely thatâs a memory in my head
SAFE HARBOR
Of all the adults that floated in and out of the Archibald boysâ lives, the closest person they had to a mother was probably someone named Maddie.
MA Maddie was a maid that my dad hired because he was over the road you know and she was the sweetest lady but I can remember her dad at least trying to take on the role of taking care of three boys and culture back days when that didnât normally happen
MA but my dad did to his credit mom did get to come out with us we actually had a picnic on the Terrell state hospital lawn I can remember me and Ken and maybe dad playing catch baseball catch and having a lunch there before we had to pack it up and say bye to mom so there was an obvious attempt at her trying to help her get better from dad I donât know if that meant we would ever come back to some normalcy or if he was just trying to get a need to get these children and my wife some assistance somehow
Maddie came into the boysâ lives at just the right time. She, like the âlady couple,â took them under her wing and saw them for who they were. I wonder if these gentle women all had something in common. Perhaps they could see these children because they knew how it felt to be invisible.
MA dad rented a house and took us to the metropolis of Balch Springs which is for even further south of Mesquite
RA and and Maddie came with us
RA Yeah itâs a ways and I have such peaceful memories of there and again theyâre still just pictures although for my life thereâs kind of things are moving in my head in my memories you know with that like a little stereo that dad got that was in a box it had a record player on it that was on Marsha Drive in Balch Springs listening to records with you guys Ken Mike and so my memory is forming better in my brain and just Maddie and how are peaceful she made everything and I would wait the most sort of straight up memory that I have is waiting for Mike to get out of school because I didnât go to school so I guess it was just me and Maddie at home and I will go out in the front yard and wait for Mike because I guess she would tell me what time it is itâs almost time you might wanna go outside so Iâll be out in the front yard waiting till Mike got home I donât remember what we did but I knew I was bored without him there so
KA Itâs a long day
RA Do you have a peaceful Maddie that was least I donât think weâd ever experienced that type of normalcy and peace
MA Yeah dinner is being made she put them on the table she would say weâre gonna pray before we eat you know that sort of thing I mean she was a little heavy and you know she she talked with a slang it was me and she had a loving heart to her I mean pancakes on Saturdays her fried chicken every other night or whatever and just this idea of protection that we had there was some security there
RA It seems like she kept us in line though right
MA She did she said I canât remember being punished by her often but I canât remember you canât be doing that and you need to stop doing that matter fact why donât you just go on in your room right now whatever
RA It was just the way she said it that that was punishment enough it was just the way she said it and it was loving but it was there was no ambiguity where she was coming from and
KA So who is in the home it was Maddie and Ken and yâall
MA Just us
RA And dad when he wasnât driving I guess
MA And that wasnât often he would do whatâs called turn the gate as soon as he gets in he came home for a couple to three hours pack is restock restock is whatever and he go right back and he do whatâs called turn the gate you get there you turn the gate you go right back out we didnât see him a lot I donât remember seeing him a lot
KA So what ages was this time.
MA I was in second grade I was in second grade Mrs. Hardy was my teacher there Hodges was the elementary school I remember that was the first crush I had on the teacher Mrs. Hardy was very young and I said sheâs young because Iâm old now but I mean she was a woman and I was just in love with her OK so I wouldâve been I was eight years old
RA Yeah that would make sense for me being five I probably turned five in July and then you were seven for a little bit while I was five and then you turn eight in September
BATMAN AND ROBIN
I remember Richard being waiting for me to get home I can remember us maybe breaking out some towels and just trying to do some Batman and robin going on
RA The capes
MA Yeah oh yeah the towels that we would have we had done that for two or three years and we just that was something we love to do and but I just I remember being pleasant there you know it was good
KA So did you obviously like to Batman did you wash a lot of that kind of TV
MA We did I did
RA I did Batman was like
KA. He was it
RA I think Maddie make sure I wouldnât knew when it was on that was Batman was the show and the Batmobile was he didnât get any cooler
MA The ultimate car
RA. And you know you have to kind of get a think itâs only fair to have a little bit of a picture of Maddie so do you remember and this may be from actual pictures that we have a Maddie or had at one point in front I remember Maddie in front of the refrigerator and she had on like a blue type did she wear the same thing pretty much all the time
MA same thing
RA Yeah it was almost like a uniform like a live-in maid uniform like a blue thing with the white apron how do you think she was itâs hard being our age now and
MA I want to say she was probably late 30s early 40s and you know I donât know looking back I would say just because Iâm going to over estimate but she was like 50 because I was eight and I just thought she was old but I guarantee you she wouldâve had to of been younger I remember she was heavy yes
RA Heavy African-American woman
MA You boys got to stop doing that right now she was very southern and
RA Now did she lived with us
MA She lived with us
RA I thought so but I didnât know what happened
MA Can you believe that she lived with us
A new woman came into the lives of these children, but they werenât certain the role this woman would play.
RA there was a time where I was introduced to Connie and she was like a year younger than me and I say it this way because how we how the came into our lives I have no idea I just know that there was a visit girl about my age or younger and then I started actually visiting the house but it doesnât seem to me like there were other people with me
KA you were alone at their home
RA Right like I was taken over there to visit I think was there
RA. I remember whenever I would go over there and Iâm sure that I mention this to dad which may be why I became there the bad guy for the rest of my life I would go over there but I didnât really play with Connie I cleaned her house Iâm five years old and Iâm vacuuming a house that I donât live in
MA Man what is up with that
RA I remember I would come back and I just it was it was just another thing because like my just said what we had been through itâs like well weâre not really surprised by anything anymore so thereâs no normal thereâs no whatever but I I knew at the time that that was weird and I suspect I probably maybe at that meeting about what you guys think of that I donât know but Iâm sure I probably said something like itâs kind of weird Iâm sure I didnât use those words but
KA. But you remember it that being an I
RA I remember the sense yes that this is
KA This is not right
RA. Right end and I remember like I remember the feeling of it was it was nice to get praise for something that I did well but it was weird that I was doing it at all so that was sort of this weird mixed message that I had in my head
KA. Like a mind game
RA yeah
KA But you were way too young to understand that at all
RA. Way too young but a few years into it it all made sense to me I wouldnât say made sense but I got it
KA. Looking back as an adult do you think that this was just a manipulation for her to be a part of your dadâs life and then using you
RA Absolutely and just yeah using me as a housekeeper
MA Never really thought about it but youâre right Helen said yes to dadâs proposal because because you would be clean all the time Richard man you must of been awesome
RA I shouldâve just performed poorly and it wouldâve it
MA She wouldâve said heck no
KHA But uh thereâs no question that in the summer of 1972 that uh there was a relationship that had formed with uh Helen uh who we knew I knew her well
On the next episode of Qavah the role of this new woman becomes more clear.
